How Following My Passions Almost Killed Me - Part 2

*Part 2 of a 2-part Series - To Read Part I click Here "How Following My Passion Saved My Life"

In part 1, I discussed how Following My Passions Saved My Life, and now, we’re going to talk about the gritty, grimy details that come along on the other side of that coin. Remember, when I said that dance was my ray of sunshine in a world of darkness? Well, it was, and still is...but as a Dance Studio Owner, I didn’t realize I was putting myself right back in that dark place willingly. Part I ended with my personal life falling apart around me as I kicked my business off the ground. It was great for a few years. My hours allowed me to be home with my baby and the extra income kept us hanging by a thread through some very difficult financial times. 

In my itty bitty town at the time, not a lot of action was happening. It was 2008, people were struggling (as were we) and extracurriculars fell off the map. I already didn’t have a big enough pool of people to draw from to ever be really profitable and this was just the icing on the cake. We were losing our house at that time anyway, so in 2011, we uprooted our family and business to be closer to my mom (hello childcare!) and have better job prospects. I attempted to keep up two studios simultaneously, but financially it didn’t make sense, so I ended up closing down my first studio and focusing on the second. And again, it was great....for a while.

My second studio actually began to take off and gain traction. We were having a lot of success...we were a competitive dance studio and took training very seriously. “My” kids (as I will forever refer to them) were really growing as dancers and we were receiving a lot of positive community feedback. I thought this is it! This is really going somewhere, and we were growing pretty steadily. Fast forward a couple of years, and I found myself back in that familiar dark place. Only this feeling was a little different. It was a full-on burnout. 

See....what no one ever tells you about following your passions is that just because you love it, doesn’t mean every day will be rainbows and sunshine. Even though we were growing, the business itself doesn’t lend itself to a great income in an area with smaller populations. This isn’t just my opinion, I have heard from hundreds of other small studio owners and their stories are all the same...struggle. It was depressing and when you are the business owner, it’s you! You are working ungodly amounts of hours to keep the business running, so by the time it came down to the end, I was “maybe” making an estimated $2.00 an hour (and that’s being generous) and working about 70 hours per week. 

I was the only instructor, I couldn’t afford anyone else even if I could find the talent, which I couldn’t. So I was teaching 4-5 hours every night and it was taking a toll on my body. I started experiencing massive pain, I couldn’t walk, and I was exhausted! I left that business with a moderate amount of osteoarthritis in my hips (hello future hip replacements!) and a plethora of other joint problems and bone spurs in my feet. Dance is hard on the body anyway, and so overworking myself every day, just led me to a very unhealthy place. 

All those nights, my daughter was either with a family member, dad, or at the studio on her own. She was in school at this time, so the only time I got with her was a 10:00 dinner before we went to bed as weekends were filled with promotional dance activities to grow the studio. And my days were filled with all the bookkeeping and class planning and ordering that went along with the business. I also had to constantly put out client fires. In a business full of competitive dancers, I felt the drama was constant and it was really taking a toll on my mental health and clients were reaching out to me at all times of the day and night. I literally had no life and I was suffering.

Now looking back, there were a lot of things I could have done differently I suppose that maybe would have eased some of the burdens, but I felt trapped. I was beyond rescue and one day, I knew, this had to end. It was one of the hardest moments of my life to end something that was just heading into the peak of its success. I had to end this when times were good! But I was already dying inside...and I knew if I didn’t walk away, I would have a lot of regrets. So I said goodbye. 

My point to this cautionary tale is that following your passions can prove to be not all it's cracked up to be. Not everything you love to do has to make you money. It’s okay just to keep some things for yourself. Once it becomes a business, it becomes a different beast and you may grow to hate the one thing that brought you so much joy. If you choose to create a business out of something you're passionate about, just be sure to do your research and don’t act on the high that comes with doing what you love. I should have never opened my first studio, it was a struggle. But I was high on the excitement. And something I learned when pushing through a struggling business came from something I learned in life about relationships. You can’t be in love with the potential, you need to be in love with what is. Hmmm...I was definitely in love with the potential. So don’t be afraid to walk away if it gets to be too much. It's okay, it's never too late to start over and it doesn’t mean it's the end of your dream. It may just be the shift in life that you need. I’m much happier now not being a studio owner, but I may teach again one day on the side. And I may find my joy and passion in dance again...but for now, I’m enjoying finding my joy and passion in myself.