Lessons in Healing...Healing is a Journey not a Destination

Undeniably, there has been a lot of trauma in my life. I’ve dealt with a lot of loss and fear. Throughout my lifetime, my battle with my own body has been a continual source of frustration for me. I hear these same sentiments so often from women over 40. Everything is fine, they say, but everything isn’t okay, right? 

So, over the past several years, I’ve been on a mission to figure out what’s been going on and dig into the mystery of me. I’ve shared before that since that journey began, some diagnoses that have come my way include polycystic ovarian syndrome, severe allergies, arthritis, and depression. So, I went about what I do, which is my whole purpose for the start of kindrasworld. I studied, researched, and tested what worked and what didn’t, so I could share that with others struggling. Unfortunately, while I was testing and healing, I felt better and worse simultaneously. None of my experience or education was coming in clutch here. I sought out many desperate answers that I knew weren’t great because I was desperate. I will be talking about this a LOT more in the future. But the bottom line, something just wasn’t right.

 Finally, with the help of my fantastic team of doctors, my neurologist discovered the reason…idiopathic hypersomnia. Since this post isn’t about the ins and outs of this disorder, I won’t go into much detail. It’s a rare neurological sleep disorder, meaning there could be a cause behind it that we haven’t found yet, or it could be a brain abnormality. I was diagnosed in early June 2022 and have continued working on my treatment plan. Thankfully, I am turning a corner I desperately thought I’d never find. So, yay for modern medicine? 

 In the future, I’ll go into more detail about learning that I have this disorder because I think when we learn something about ourselves that has always been there, the perspective shift throughout our whole being is extraordinary! While I’m sad that I will always struggle with this condition, I am delighted with the knowledge I have gained that I believe can help many people. I’m still gauging what that looks like, but life gives us full-circle moments sometimes, doesn’t it? A moment in time, just for a minute, everything makes sense and feels right. Man, I cherish those moments. Those are the true goalposts of life. It’s not a check on our to-do list or the next rung on the ladder, but those full-circle moments. 

 Today, I want to focus on sharing some of the lessons I’ve learned along the way. I believe this to be true to my core, and you may or may not agree, which is ok. But, I can say with certainty that these beliefs have impacted every decision and my results.   

• Not everyone is privileged enough to land the right doctors or have access to the right people.  And your test results may seem fine, so you must advocate for yourself. There are healers of all kinds. Even though there is relief in conventional medicine, don’t be afraid to look down other avenues. No one person has all of the answers. Even doctors get it wrong and need help.
• Any kind of “treatment” is a band-aid to the root problem…. even if you can’t live without the treatment. Your treatments can also create new symptoms. Symptoms alert you to a problem. For all of my “diagnoses,” all roads lead to an autoimmune issue, even though I don’t have a specific autoimmune disease. My inflammatory markers are high in every pathway all the time. So while I take medication (and I am very selective about what I will take, less is more), what I feel, eat, think, and breathe are equally as important of an influence on my symptoms. Please don’t disregard the whole of you.
• Don’t let anyone gaslight you; please don’t do it to yourself, either. What you feel is valid...you might NOT have a disorder; it might be “in your head,” but you need to address SOMETHING. Your body is speaking to you. Our bodies are not breaking. They are communicating. You wouldn’t listen to your baby cry and ignore it. So don’t ignore yourself either.
• As a society, we talk a lot about self-care. We get this image of spoiling ourselves or something luxurious…but authentic self-care can be as simple as letting your body and mind communicate with you. Taking a second to give yourself support or to cry it out is the most loving thing you can do. Life can sometimes feel long, and it will never be easy. I will live with this forever, and there will be hard days. There have been many, but I do not have to give up, and I can enjoy my life now. I plan to take this full-circle moment and help as many people as possible with the knowledge and experience I’ve garnered. I deserve to live my best life.
• Also, don’t let anyone tell you it could be worse. Remember, no gaslighting is allowed. Yes, it certainly could. I’m alive, and nothing I have is fatal. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t pain and suffering. Invisible illness is still an illness; in many cases, you have it for life. I’m going to sound very dark for a minute,  and I have lost too many people near and dear to me to complain, but an illness with no “end date” in sight to alleviate the pain is suffering, and you deserve to grieve that. 
• BUT….you can’t stay there. You can’t let it consume you, and you can’t latch onto everyone in your life hoping they’ll understand. They won’t. Period. Don’t spend your time telling your brain that you’re broken. Because then your brain believes you, your body believes you and all you end up with is feeling stuck in life and headed toward another diagnosis. Find people who understand and grieve when you need to, but you are not broken, and life is not over. Be the support you need in your life.