The Key to Taking Back Control of Your Life is to Discover Your Authentic Self

Does your life feel controlled by work, family, school, life obligations and you see no way out? Do you feel like everyone in your life is pulling your strings and causing chaos around you? 

I’m going to give you some dirty truth….the truth is your life is chaotic because of YOU! You allow everyone else to inflict their baggage, pain, needs, and chaos on you. And we can use the excuse that we have no choice because we are a mother, a wife, or a daughter. But I don’t think that’s the truth either…..I think most of us suffer from the roller coaster of chaos because we haven’t discovered our AUTHENTIC selves. Instead, we are living for other people.

We try to be so many things to so many people. For example, we try to maintain the “perfect” mom routine by keeping a spotless home, putting our kids in too many activities, and running ourselves ragged with appointments, pets, lunches, and field trips. In today’s covid world, we are quite possibly taking the role of educator and full-time entertainer as well. Is this really what kids need to thrive? The truth is no….it isn’t. Many adults are thriving that didn’t have any of these things as a child, so it can’t be “truth” can it? We can find just as many examples of this “supermom” role causing harm to children that now aren’t thriving as adults at all. So...why the drama?

When I talk about discovering our authentic selves, I’m essentially asking “what is important to you in YOUR life?” Yes, we are bound to others as partners or if we are mothers, as providers and protectors, but we are still our OWN people. Just as our spouses, children, and family and friends are their OWN people. Your children will learn from you. But they will need to learn and develop what is important to them over time. And if others' needs are different from your own, and you never address that, are you living authentically? Or are you living someone else's life?

Here are a few questions to ask yourself on your journey to figuring out the complex, chaotic human that is YOU:

1. WHAT is important to you? Have you ever sat down and really asked yourself what is important to you? Yes, your kids, spouse, family, and friends are all important, but imagine you had no one around and you were all alone? Actually, let's make this a little more exciting...Imagine you have 4 glorious weeks all to yourself on a mostly deserted island with zero obligations. It's quiet, serene but you still have access to great restaurants and all the perks of modern America. But….you can only choose 3 things to do, what would they be? Would it be enjoying different cuisine selections and eating at some of the finest places and feeling social? Or would you rather focus on your health and begin a lifetime of healthy eating once and for all. Would you start that new business or a new job or would you finally invest in that new wardrobe that suits your soul (pun intended)? The possibilities are endless but….you can only choose 3, did you decide?
   
   
2. Now I’m going to ask...WHY does it matter? Why does this matter to you? There are no wrong answers but your why is the backbone you need to commit to your authentic self. It will be easy to let go of those needs if you don’t have a solid why. We’ll use the example of the restaurants vs healthy diet above. If you have been feeling lonely, unsocial, and blah in the mundane of your life, maybe you just need a little change in atmosphere to know you are still alive. There's nothing I love more than sitting down at a great restaurant and taking in the sights, sounds and allowing someone else to serve me. 
   
   
3. So the third question is, How will we solve the problem? Make a date with yourself or someone else to eat out at least once per month. Or refigure the family budget to incorporate healthy foods and take care of yourself. 

This is a simple example of a simple issue, but the answer is to find,  what works for ME? How do I operate authentically? I could, and have read, all of the tips and tactics known to man to regain control of my life and they didn’t work for me. Why? Because I was trying to be something I’m not. I was trying to fit the mold of “should”. So I discovered what I needed based on who I am authentically and you can too.