What's Wrong with Average? How We Use Labels to Self-Sabotage

As we head into spring, the excitement of our new years' goals has worn off, and the blanket of winter is melting. For some of us, we might look around and feel like we are failing as we head into this new season. But are we failing? And what exactly does failure mean? 

In our over-competitive society, mainly thanks to social media, we are fed daily tips to improve, grow, bloom, discover, learn, and achieve. New moms brag about how advanced their babies are. School moms want to boast about awards and achievements and gifted programs. Mothers of older children brag about colleges and careers. None of this is wrong. I believe in celebrating ourselves always. But, we often arrive into adulthood in a constant state of push push push. Not only does everyone cling to their achievements, but we cling to a diagnosis, our "story." We cling to our hero's journey and a platform. We attach label after label to make sense of the life that we are living. We are told that we were born to be great, but we are taught that greatness must be earned, completely bypassing the idea that we are already born whole. Complete. 

What is wrong with being average? Why do we feel the need to label our lives in a way, positive or negative, that somehow is meant to explain our reason for being? What is wrong with just living our lives, having a job, and making enough to pay the bills? Why have we reached a point where this is somehow less? Why must we do more, more, and is it necessary? How does this affect our self-esteem? 

So many of us spend our lives seeking our special "something." Our purpose. But you are living your purpose every single day. Your existence is your purpose, and that doesn't mean you aren't enough because somehow, you have not unlocked specific achievements or impacted a profound number of people in your lifetime. Sometimes, greatness looks like crying it out on a Saturday night after that failed relationship. Sometimes excellence looks like ice cream with your kiddo after their feelings get hurt. Greatness can look like simply making it to work every day to provide for yourself or your family. These things are great. We are constantly bombarded with messages that we are somehow empty inside without achieving this one amazing thing that we were born to achieve, and that until we find it, we will never be whole. What a mind fuck.

First, we are perfect because we exist. Subscribing to any other message allows the outside world to dictate our path rather than looking to our authentic selves for direction. We are fed who to be rather than determining for ourselves what feels good, what feels real. We are also complex human beings with many different ideas, talents, and thoughts….I don't think we could have just one direct path in life. 

Let's think about people that answer their "calling" in a physically demanding career. I was a dancer growing up, and there is one thing that all dancers, athletes, some models, even construction workers, and many other active vocations have in common. It's a young man (or woman's) game. There is a time limit on your body's ability to perform at peak levels, no matter how passionate or talented you may be or how "called" you are. Now, I will say you can continue to do these things for enjoyment or money, but there will be a different level that you face with age, and your calling will naturally look different. The career path will change because you are not the same. Even young people in their prime suffer injuries and find their dreams crushed very early. Now, if this was your "calling," your purpose if you will, and this was the only road you could see on your journey in this life, how might it affect you if you were no longer able to perform? Devastating. 

This is how up-and-coming celebrities burn out fast. We are seeing more of this today in the world of technology. Influencers and coaches gain some fame on social media, and the moment their limelight begins to fade or they are faced with the natural ebbs and flows of life's challenges, they quickly spiral because they can't let go of that image. Who are we, if not the facade we have portrayed to the world and based our livelihoods? It's a lot. I think it's very, very heavy to attach a single life path to our shoulders to carry around forever. And we mere non-celebrities choose to take on this burden too. 

Most of us have big dreams when we are young, more often than not, right? Big, huge, we leave the nest ready to conquer the world. When we don't achieve those dreams, we are left with feelings of inadequacy for whatever reason. We're not good enough; we are worthless; we only make bad decisions; we must be wrong because, look, everyone else has it so good? We attach these labels to ourselves based on titles we thought should be attached to ourselves. It's crazy pants. 

So what I need you to understand and hear, now more than ever, is that YOU are enough right now and forever. There is no time limit on our lives or our dreams for most of us. We can choose at any time what we need more of, what we need to let go of, and what we need to thrive. Do we have one calling, a purpose, if you will? Yes, to be you and share yourself with the rest of the world. You are not what you do. You are who you are. Now I am not saying don't set goals;  give up because nothing matters and go with the status quo. We are all going to have things we sometimes want in our life. But what I am saying is to stop being so hard on yourself. Remove the labels wearing you down and allow yourself to imagine new possibilities. Our purpose is what gets us out of bed in the morning. Our purpose is a multitude of things that we are passionate about, that hold deep meaning for us, our values in the world, and these things could take us in an infinite number of directions in this life. 

I am fascinated by all people, building something to hire, serve, or support other people. Every individual holds an important and valuable place in this world. I am fascinated all the time watching people working toward something bigger wherever I go, and I only hope they know how much they matter. Give yourself space to be fascinated. Quit berating yourself with negative labels. You have my full permission to take your attention off what you are not doing and look at all of the things you are doing or have done in your life. You are fascinating and don't forget that.